Rude Awakening

Nothing is more confusing in life than being abruptly woken from a sound slumber.

I have mastered the art of not picking up the phone when I'm asleep, especially when work's number shows up on the caller ID. The last thing I need is to agree to something I may regret later or have no recollection of making such an agreement; which, in the long run, could get me into bigger trouble. Thank goodness for voicemail. My motto: if it's THAT important, they'll leave a message. And when I'm oriented enough to have a decent, coherent conversation, I'll return the call, even if it takes me a half hour or more to reach that conscious point.

As for waking me, don't touch any part of me. I prefer you continuously call my name until I answer. And, please, for the love of my own beating heart, don't stand there watching me sleep because nothing makes me feel more vunerable and more paranoid than that.

Several years ago, I was hanging out at a friends' house. It was too late to be driving home and we were too tired to drive the distance back. So the hosting couple insisted that another friend and I could crash on their couches. I had mentioned earlier on that I needed to be somewhere in the morning and the husband said he'd wake me up since he had to get up for work. My friend took the long couch and I fell asleep on the oversized recliner. It didn't take long for me to close my eyes and enter my lovely REM. But it only seemed like several minutes had passed. I heard my name being repeatedly called in a whisper. My consciousness was being tugged back into reality. I barely opened my eyes and the room was faintly lit from some distant, outdoor lamppost. I thought to myself of what time it could be if it's still this dark outside and then I heard my name whispered again. My eyes opened wider adjusting and focusing for the lack of light. The first thing I saw was a dark figure standing at my feet looking right at me. He tugged my big toe and whispered my name. My eyes shot open, I gasped for air, and when my whole body jolted, the recliner was suddenly in a sitting position. Charlie raised his hands, open palms, in defense and whispered, "It's 5:45."
I exhaled and calmly replied, "Ok, thanks, Charlie." He must have chuckled to himself as he walked back to his room and there I sat in the dark trying to slow down my heart rate. I think it was the combination of it all that scared me more. A dark figure tugging on my bare, big toe, whispering MY name, in a dark living room that's not my own. What could be more confusing? Only my next story.

My middle sister shares my same traits. Except, upon her waking, her sudden awareness is much more violent. I never liked waking her up even when she asked me to. Touching her to wake?...Big NO-NO. I'd lose an eye or have broken fingers from thrashing appendages. Calling her from the door is the safety zone. At least from there, I'd only suffer from my heart skipping a beat but I'd walk away in one piece.

One Spring, we decided to take a weekend road trip to Chicago to meet up with some cousins from Florida for his weight lifting competition. We arrived the day before them and decided to check into a hotel nearby the venue. Seven flights up and a room at the end of the hall, we found our room. To keep us from being bored and feeling stuck we decided to go out. We wandered around Chicago's art district. I think we took in a comedy show at a small theatre. The evening passed quickly so we decided to find our way back to the hotel. We deliberated for a few minutes on what time we should set the alarm. 8:00. Even though our body clocks were set an hour ahead, it didn't feel like we were getting up too early.

Lights out.

I don't remember what I was dreaming but I'm sure it was me running through a field of wild flowers in my bare feet. The sun generously cascading warmth on my skin.

Wah! Wah! Wah! Wah!

The cloudless, blue sky started screaming in rhythmic blares. Where the hell was that coming from?! My eyes shot open and I turned to see my sister on the other double bed flailing from under her covers. The room was bright and I couldn't believe that it was 8 AM already.

"Turn it off!" I screamed, louder than was normally necessary. She was closest to the clock and hit the snooze button. But it just kept blaring. She hit it again, harder this time but it wouldn't stop. Fingertips at first and then a fist to shut it up. Curse words escaped both our lips.

Panicked, she screamed back, "It's not working!!" She picked up the clock and pounded it on the top of the side table.

"Is it broken? Pull it out from the wall!", I suggested.

She pulled the bed away from the wall and yanked it out. Wah! Wah! Wah!
This was unbelievable! Was I still dreaming? I jumped out of bed with my hands over my ears, squinting in the morning light. My sister yells out, "What the hell is going on?!"

I turned to her, seeing she was mimicking my moves as well. Then, what felt like slow motion, the truth broke through the confusion like a missile going through a brick wall. "It's the fire alarm!!", I screamed.

We both scrambled around the room, throwing on the same jeans and sweaters from the day before. We slid into our shoes without tying them. We grabbed our coats and headed for the door. She suddenly stopped and shouted, "Our purses!" In case, the building was burning down, we'd still have money and an ID. We turned around each grabbed our own and headed for the door again. I turned the handle and another revelation hit me, "The hotel key!" Just in case everything was fine and we needed to get back in. She bolted out the door; we headed back to the elevators. Simultaneously, we realized we had to take the stairs. Everything we learned from school fire alarm drills were finally being put into action. I pushed the metal door open with the big red letters painted on it. We ran down the metal staircase...7th...6th...5th floor. I could hear the stomping of our feet reverberate off the walls. My sister was yelling behind me, "Go, go, go!" I could hear the alarm sounding like a warning counting down the last few seconds before something of disasterous proportions occurred. Skipping steps now...4th...3rd..."We're almost there!", I yelled back. I was running out of breath but the adrenaline, my internal reserve tank, kicked in. 2nd floor...last set of stairs...the EXIT DOOR. Like the ribbon at the end of the relay, I broke through the door. The cold, morning air hit my face at once, I was now fully awake. In one split second, panting with our hands on our knees, we were relieved we made it. And in the next moment, I realized we were standing among other hotel guests, cold and annoyed, they appeared to have been outside for more than a few minutes. Seconds after our epic evacuation, the alarm shut off. "Dohhhh!" False alarm. We just ran down seven flights in Olympian fashion, a real Guiness record breaker, for a false alarm. And to put more salt in an open wound, the elevators wouldn't be up and running for 20 minutes. Only one option left, climb those wretched stairs.

Minutes later, we opened our hotel room door and shuffled inside. We each fell on our beds completely drained from any energy we had. Since this was the age before cell phones and the one working clock was now unplugged and out of order, we turned the tv on to find the time. To our dismay, it was before 8:00. My sister looks at me and asks, "Well, I'm up. Wanna get breakfast?"

Why I told this story, I do not know. I guess it's because lately, I've been waking up in a panic not knowing what time it was, afraid I overslept for work. I had to change my cell phone clock to military time so I wouldn't get confused. I haven't quite ingrained it into second nature, yet. But, then again, who the hell can do math in their head when their mind is still dreaming of flying through the forest with fairies and floating goddesses? It doesn't help working overnight and sleeping during the day. But now that Spring is quickly approaching and the daylight is longer, I can begin to distinguish 5AM and 5PM.

Highbeam's note: I must dedicate this to my sister for all the crazy road trips we've taken. This one always stands out for me. Thanks big sis!